Worst Jokes Ever

I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't comin'.

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

What's the difference between a Porsche and 50 dead babies?

..... I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

My wife said if I don't get off the computer, she's gonna slam my head into the keyboard, but I think I'll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in seconds.

Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home.

They got in the car, and his mother asked, "Johnny, what did you do this time?" So Johnny pulled his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home, his dad was off work and heard that Johnny was coming home early from school. Once again he asked Johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised, so his dad pulled down his pants and said, "Big whale, big whale."

How does NASA organise a party?

They ‘PLANET’.

Gays: I like men.

Straights: I like women.

Russia: Hole is hole.

A depressed kid tried to give a tree a high-five, but the tree left him hanging.

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

I would tell a scoliosis joke.

But that would be completely out of line.

What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!

Not funny, here’s another.

Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.

Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?

Because she ran out of immortali-tea.

Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn't see that well.

Are your hands feeling heavy? Because I can hold them for you.

Why are cows such great dancers?

They have all the best moooves!