I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
Worst Jokes Ever
A: Knock knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Package from Ted Kaczynski.
B: Package from Te-?
A: BOOM!
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t find home.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Why can't orphans play rounders?
Because they don't know where home is.
What do you call Canadian weed? Canadabis.
What do you call it when orphans take a family photo? A selfie!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
What's the food orphans can't eat?
Family-sized ice cream.
What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?
You can beat an egg.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's popcorn?
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ididap!
Ididapoo!!
Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.
Why did the cow cross the road? To go to the moooooovies! Nyahahahahahahahahaha!
"You is so black your mama fainted."