Worst Jokes Ever

What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?

You get no-eye-deer.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.

I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.

I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.

Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?

So there’s more for the priest.

(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?

You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.

What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?

They both try to get there before the hair does.

Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!

Me: Why? They don't land well together?

My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.

Don't be sad if you miss a shot when you yell "Kobe." He didn't make it either.

Why did Technoblade die?

'Cause he wanted to Skyblock in Heaven!

You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?

Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

Your hairline is so far back it became a case.

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.