Worst Jokes Ever
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bikini.
Bikini who?
Oh, that was just a bikini.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
Me: Why do you need to use shampoo when you are already bald? 🤣
One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.
Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.
Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."
I'm illegal.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.
Roses are red, I sniff marijuana, I have five fingers, The middle one is for your vagina.
Riddle me this. Riddle me that.
Why did my parents never come back?
What do cats have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
Why are they called s’mores?
Because you always want another one!
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.
The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”
As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night?
Hanson.