Today Jokes

Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...

Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today? Person 2: “Seven” Person: 1: “What the fuck dude..” Person 2: “I know right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.” (Based on an encounter I had recently)

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic where yesterday's meat is todays treat. How may I be of service?

Today my biology teacher asked meh what's commonly found in a cell .................. And apparently black people isn't the right answer

Are you twinning today? Because The Rock would be shocked!

why bid the frog take the bus to work today? his car got toad away

today a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid so i told him " brayden just get up and walk away."

I got in trouble at school today bc I played the knife game with a pair of scissors but I couldn't flip them off bc I was missing that finger.

I got in trouble today bc I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said lighten up

Today I was asked what I wanted to be and I said I wanted to be a pinata bc I want to be hanged

Teacher: hi class today we wll learn about the song, London Bridge is falling down falling down, then one student said I thought it was "twin towers are falling down falling down"!

Who is older than twin towers?billy bob the 1th,he was older than the twin towers he was born 3 minutes before the twin towers and still alive today

Some locked me out of my house today.... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore

Today I am finding out the lore of worstjokesever.com

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end the lifeguard saw me blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in

Today Me and My Best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge and i told him to back up, R.I.P to him.

is it just me or your the prettiest person I seen today

I was given my Electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me cauz I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up too.