Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat , but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
At gym class today my freind made this song 🎵 I’m a barbie girl I am fantastic my boobs are plastic
A kid had school today. He was late every single day. He said in his mind, I wish I can go to school again. What happened? Its obvious...... He died :)
My Dad was mowing the grass today, I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
I saw a kid crying today and asked them where are your parents............. God I love working at a Orphanage
Today I went to the doctor for a test and he said I have 10 months to live. So later that day I stabbed him to death & the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
Welcome to Jimmy’s orphanage and pizza shop where today’s loss is a sauce how may I help you
Hey guys todays funnyiest prank: Is when I poored a bunch of red whine into the chicken salad...to be honest and was a TON of whine I purded in there! My family could not tell the dirfense at all! Anyway bye thats the prankster! Next time or see time next!
My Infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
if someone calls you just say this is peters abortion clinic and pizza restaurant were yesterdays loss is today's sauce
Guess who I saw at school today?
Everyone I looked at. loooooooool
Today was a bitter-sweet day... Bad news is my friend was assaulted, good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
I got suspended at school today, I lit a kids wheelchair on fire and called him hot wheels
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan. The tour guide said “That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member” Well done Lewandisney
Sister:Hey sis how are you today?Me:Oh good you?sister:good cause i heard you finally got a good living life
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned and the steaks are higher.
I bulled a handicap today
What is he gonna do stand up for his self
The Tent Pole Is Up, The Canvas Is Spread, The Hell With Breakfast, Come Back To Bed.
Take The Tent Pole Down, Put The Canvas Away, The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage, No Circus Today
