Today

Today Jokes

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan. The tour guide said “That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member” Well done Lewandisney

Sister:Hey sis how are you today?Me:Oh good you?sister:good cause i heard you finally got a good living life

Good afternoon. My name is Russell. And I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?

The Tent Pole Is Up, The Canvas Is Spread, The Hell With Breakfast, Come Back To Bed.

Take The Tent Pole Down, Put The Canvas Away, The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage, No Circus Today

My nan broke her toe by a brick today, last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire . Does that now mean I have to toe her back to the doctors.

I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something-I don’t remember. Then I replied TOUCAN play that game. He went silent and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you thick he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one and I ended it by saying, “Ok, lets MOOOOOve on cow[now]” Welp that’s it.

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I got sent to the principal office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, “HOTWHEELS!”

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and airforces but as soon as I spend a $100 on hookers she leaves me

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off? He's all right now