Time jokes

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

What's an emo's favorite time of year?

Fall.

Which days are the strongest?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?

He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?

Me time.

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because they had a fight, and 2021.

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

What is a good night for you?

What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?

The letter M.

When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.

I said that I have been ill.

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

Wow, I can't believe you'd take the time to read this!

12/8?

At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

Time flies by, doesn’t it?

But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.