Time jokes
My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?
"It's Sunday evening!"
"No. It's Monday eve."
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...
On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).
Memes
I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."
What age is served for breakfast?
A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”
What do you call an Emo in the hanging gallows?
Happy for the first time.
Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.
Friend: Why?
Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.
Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.
Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
Hope everyone is having a good day! ❤️
What kind of shit does a ghost take every time? A spooky dookie!
Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have mothers' and Father’s Day.