Time jokes

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

childhood skipped @iissoo.00 fr😵‍💫

Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.

Who is the oldest Dave?

Daveon.

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

Is someone who is tardy again actually "retardy"?

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

What's an emo's favorite time of year?

Fall.

My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.

He can tell the future.

Your mum is so fat, she needs 3 different watches for 3 different time zones.

Man, your hairline is so bad it started from the beginning of the month to the end!

On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?

Hey Siri, skip to Friday!

911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.

Time for a remake!

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

What do you call an Emo in the hanging gallows?

Happy for the first time.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?