Time Jokes

I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep

What time is it when you can drive home from phone

Time to play guitar!

*absolutely shreds*

just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time i eat at popeyes 😑

What time is when dogs 🐕 get hurt 😔? Time to take your dog to the vet

your forehead so big everytime u shout your forehead starts pulsing

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I like women how I like my hair dryer, locked in a closet most of the time, and only being used to blow me dry

doctor: i'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left. man: what?! what about my family??! my son is still missing! i can't just leave like that! doctor: don't worry sir, i told your family. man: that's.. great.. if they found my son, tell them that i love him more than anything and i couldn't keep that promise. the doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes. doctor: i will... dad..

tq for reading my crappy joke

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions ..you must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate and you must never hold on to any beef . " The Angel then disappeared. The man did as was told and became generous and kind ..as he emerged from the betting office with all his money... he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person..each and everytime. He ,however couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what . When he died the Angel came back for him .. "But I'm undeserving I can't come with you" he said .. "Yes you can" replied the Angel , "you gave all your stake ( steak) away"

I was in a toxic relationship . After some time my girlfriend died, her name was happy . Still got no clue of her body and here i am lying on the bed so fucking happy.

One time little Johnny was watching tiktok and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly,so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework and when he was done he saw a spill on the table,he went to the sink to grab a cloth but when he came back it was gone.He went to his mom's room and saw a drank with the lable daddy's drank so he drunk it and said it's daddy's he wont mind and all day he was like the flash so he went back turned the bottle around and it said speedy and then he said OH GREAT HEVANS.

The only only time rape jokes are funny is never.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives. condoms 99 percent effective birth controll 99 percent effective ect just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time ( only cost 20 years in jail ;)