Time jokes
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
What age is served for breakfast?
Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.
Friend: Why?
Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.
This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
If you're taking notes in history class, aren't you just rewriting history?
Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
What do you call an orphan's family region?
Me time.
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.
I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.
Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!