Time Jokes

I love ❤️ taking my daughter out in the car 🚙 every time we go over a speed bump I tell her we ran over another dog 🐕😂

A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so i put her in the oven

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help mean understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So me with my horrible humor decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are a fine African meal." then everybody looked at me in disappointment and then I continued to say, "what poor taste?"

Why are birds good at social media? Because they 'tweet' all the time!!!?

My uncle and I have some what of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.

Opposite day be like in doors

Figure : finally I can see

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo I'm blind. Figure I'm sorry i made fun if u all those other times pls don't make fu. Of me

Figure: ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...

A piece of cake.

Lol these jokes have been heard millions of times

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose. She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

The last time I had flying lessons I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...

Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son, Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day.😐

I encountered a milf at a bar last night although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet".

She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys

opens her door

turn on the light

and she yells towards upstairs

"Mom, are you still awake?”

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf and he worked at a morgue. So one time poor Dan got confused and start having sex with the rotting corpse. He then came home, and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

say beans fast three times

now you’re an idiot

There’s so many protests. Every time I see my body my choice, I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies

People are like trees... They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions ..you must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate and you must never hold on to any beef . " The Angel then disappeared. The man did as was told and became generous and kind ..as he emerged from the betting office with all his money... he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person..each and everytime. He ,however couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what . When he died the Angel came back for him .. "But I'm undeserving I can't come with you" he said .. "Yes you can" replied the Angel , "you gave all your stake ( steak) away"