Time jokes

A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?

Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.

How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?

Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?

Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.

How did she survive?

Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

Why do I call my dog a vibrator?

Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.

Shortly after the hole was finished, everyone in the forest was looking for long grass to fill the hole. The upper layer covered it with short grass and scattered some grass around the hole so it didn't seem as conspicuous. The next evening, the villagers hid in their houses and turned off the lights and waited inside, while one of the farmers stood outside and, if possible, unobtrusively skimped on a cart.

Around midnight, the Headless Rider appeared with his horse in the village. He saw the seemingly single peasant scooping his hay and rode towards him. He was about to swing his axe, and while he was doing so, he overlooked the slightly more scattered grass near the farmer – and thus fell into the trap. He clumsily slumped into the prefabricated hole together with his horse and now lay there helplessly inside, together with his horse, which swayed in panic as the rider's axe was stuck in its back.

When the villagers heard this, they all stormed out of the houses to surround the hole. They saw the Headless Rider, and when he noticed all the villagers around him, he cursed: “Gaaah! You stupid villagers caught me! I can't do much down here. I give up.” The villagers took his axe away from him. Now they only needed a just punishment for the rider.

One of the villagers shouted: “We should tie him to a rope and hang him! He tried to kill us all and plagued us for a long time. So we should kill him and let him suffer for a long time!” The other villagers agreed with him. So they tied a thick rope to a branch of a large tree that stood in the village garden. The villagers took the Headless Rider out of the hole and dragged him to the rope. As they were about to hang the rope around his neck, they noticed that something didn't fit in their plan to hang the Headless Rider. Then the Headless Rider cried out: “You stupid mortals, I have no head at all! Why are you trying to hang me?”

Why did the rapper bring a clock to the stage?

To keep track of his rhyme time.

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.

Your hairline and forehead must be friends, because they go way back further than the universe.

*bowl of dark grapes*

Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.

Friend 2: Black? Good one.

Friend 1: 21 at a time.

The reason why God and Jesus have eternal life and the power, aka (holy spirit) is to control us, take our free will, and our eternal life, which is our heaven. Our time!

Just to show up, in the nick of time for the second coming in full costume ready to judge us. Them spending a lifetime preparing their big speech, their excuse of them hiding this whole time.

Lol, Surprise!

Joke being on them.

As we all stand there and are there to judge them, doing what they said they were made for.

Taking our eternal life back from Satan and the Devil and sending them to their home they created themselves!

HELL!

P.S. With a little extra punishments!

The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.

Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.

"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.

My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.

Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.

After sleeping with her boyfriend for the first time, the lead singer of Blackbriar told her friend all about it: "Ik zora cock!"

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

What do Time Clocks like to play?

Tick Tack Toe.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?

Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.