There was a cheerio that had a job, he worked hard at it and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the cheerios. So he needed a speech, he kept practicing and practicing and know he was thirsty. it was almost time for his speech. so he went to the drinking fountain but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake but he saw tons of garbage, and what he thought was a cereal killer. so he found this bowl of punch, but he relised... there was no punch-line
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree. The person: Only last thing left to hang! He grabs a noose.
A guy and girl had sex poem competition. Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine." Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation
wanna go to suicide school then time travel to Hitler's bunker and aski him to teach you
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’ I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times
why are all asians so skinny? Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared
Why can't orphans really play baseball?
Because when they do all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.
You mama so fat, her cheeks are in different time zones.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his bmw exhaust but his engine failed. This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
Blondes like their men how they like their rice, brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
A little riddle ... Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it? *time passes ... Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners
The lady says, "Come Again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time? -- Because it was Luke warm.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A Milkshake.
Husband: I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."
Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator
Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222) so she went to the the doctor on 51st street (6922251) and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)
Boobless
Joe mama so fat when she went to the movies she sat next to everybody Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said one at a time please Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said to be continued
