Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
one time i ate a chair.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave? I don't know I close my eyes when I masturbate.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL! I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
I had to get my dog 🐶 is it a tree 🌲 was your time and I had fun today after dinner 🍴 I had
What time is it when you say wake up? It is morning
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or no legs. One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked." The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
One time this kid came back from school and said "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said "Good news please.'' and the boy said "I got 100% on my math test today" and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said "Now to the bad news, I LIED"
It was pornography class, and there was a break.
Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says..
Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!
Adult 1: How about I say my abc's?
Teacher: Go ahead, i guess....
Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Wheres the D?
Adult 2: Inside me...
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
Wanna know something funny? Well there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage. Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke and then 9 months later I was born. My birthday. (4/1/06) April 1, 2006
This boy said get get yo hairline straight I said girls don't have a hairline how about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worst then he did the first time.
What time is it when you eeee
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
time to get a new fence.
I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by, I checked my watch and said, "My how time is FLYING by."
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover so one of her friends asks when was the last time you had an orgasm? she replies 3 days ago dad comes bursting in i KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT
What time the man go to the bank
Eight am
Hey guys, its Hailey here.
Ima start off with henlo ;-;
I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.
So, Jake. We can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.
Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.
I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.
Also, You won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;
