Time jokes
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
Memes
If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?
Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
Guy: Michael Jackson wasn’t in ancient times!
Me: hee hee egypt.
Say what you want about Hitler, at least he got the trains to run on time.
Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.
I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.
People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.
Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
What do emo kids like to do in their spare time?
Hanging out.
One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!
What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.
Why don’t Chinese people model? Because it would look like the same model every time.
A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”
He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”
He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”
“No, this is the rink manager!”
One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.
That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!