Opposite day be like in doors
Figure : finally I can see
Eyes: Nnnnnoooo I'm blind. Figure I'm sorry i made fun if u all those other times pls don't make fu. Of me
Figure: ok eye promise eye won't.
Eyes: 😭
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose. She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
I was watching a "don't laugh" video and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
What time is bed time at Michael Jackson’s house? When the big hand touches the little hand
The last time I had flying lessons I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
tj hairline is so far back,,if you travel back time you still won't find it
I was going to buy a watch today but I didn't have time
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Lol these jokes have been heard millions of times
Did u know a erasor on a pencil slowly dies of your mistakes and did u know your actually supposed to live for 25 min but every time u breath resets time
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked is this train running on time, I said no it runs on steam and coal
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
*bowl of dark grapes* Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men Friend 2: Black? Good one Friend 1: 21 at a time
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Is depression sadness or happiness? I call it a fun time
Dad:im dying Son:hi dying, im [name] Dad:really, now is not the time Son:im sorry Dad:hi sorry im dad (dies)
As a hobby I started taking walks around the old clock tower. It's a great way to pass the time.
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk and he says "I went to a party with my girlfriend and this random guy walks up to us and says can I borrow your girlfriend for a 30 minutes I say yes and he takes her up stairs. It was not only 30 minutes but a hour. When she came back down she was out of breath so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation.this happens about 3 more times that night. But as I was saying only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys 😊😇
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy. They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
There’s so many protests. Every time I see my body my choice, I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies
