Time jokes
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
A girl tried 77.34 (77.34) times to think of a word opposite of BYE. Then her brother divided the word BYE. 77.34 divided by 100. TRY IT!!
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?
I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.
What does the Gay Garlic do when it gets hot? It takes it's CLOVES off. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Like if you LOL every time 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"
Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."