Time to play guitar!
*absolutely shreds*
"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo." -Al Nassr owner
I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.
I needn't have bothered.
The next day, it was smeared all over my face.
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
*text conversation boy: when you kiss someone you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime? girl: are you saying i'm fat?
I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said "My time to shine."
let it go, LET IT GO! Blablablabla whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blablablabla my mom never bothered me anyway
I'm bored 😴 so thats why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted ur time
Every woman will die in five seconds Mother : dies Sister : dies Girlfriend:lives You : 🤬
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do u call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do u call it life?
Time for a Terraria joke
What is a worm called when it is with a rich worm for his money?
A gold digger
(play the game or watch some vids to understand)
I did a walk today and had fun today I did not have to go get my kids and get my new house 🏠 was good today I had fun I did a walk today I had fun today but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car 🚘 was your night time is what time did
What time is it when it gets dark out? Bed 🛌 time
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked to much
what time is it? It's time for lunch
*quoted by bubble guppies*
10 years ago my dad went to get milk he said when he got back he was going to tell me a joke. that joke better be worth it
What time do you call me tomorrow
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. "I don't understand it, Doc", she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas". "Thankfully", she added, "they are at least silent when I fart". Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled. The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
Last time i talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
