Time jokes
Why were the Twin Towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!
Good day tomorrow, and what day are they still good today? Good time. Love day! A great night time and...
Time flies by, doesn’t it?
But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.
What did the beach say when the tide came in?
"Long time no sea."
You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.
I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Say Fentanyl 3 times in the mirror and you'll see Derek Chauvin kneeling on George Floyd's neck.
Time heals all wounds. Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
I have the superpower to predict the past.
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
Yo mama so old that when she farts, she farts dust!
My "choco" is too "late" for lunch.
The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Pigeons can be annoying at times, especially when their bones get stuck in-between your teeth.