Is it weird that a Milk Carton has a date and I don’t.
Lick my nut
Hey guys todays funnyiest prank: Is when I poored a bunch of red whine into the chicken salad...to be honest and was a TON of whine I purded in there! My family could not tell the dirfense at all! Anyway bye thats the prankster! Next time or see time next!
Who are the fastest readers in the world.? Answer.9/11 victims they went through 80 stories in 5 seconds
Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relived. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. Nitrogen! The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good nigh-“
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
what dose a priest and time have in common? there both predators
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris steped on a Lego. R.I.P the Lego piece.
What did the watch say to the failing watch company? - You better watch it
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn't know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left." The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
What did mommy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her? I really hit the mother lode with you.
Life is like a box of chocolates it doesn’t last long for people
Like if u cry everytime.
if i had a dollar for every time you said something smart id be broke
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left? Doctor: Ten. Man: Weeks? Months? Days? Doctor Nine, eight, seven...
I wold tell you a time travel joke but you did not like it
The time is 9:11, time to put your phones on airplane mode.
