Why are Japanese always so skinny?
Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.
The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
If her age is on the clock, she gets the cock.
You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
One day you see a girl climb a pole and ask her, "Why are you climbing that pole?" "Because a boy paid me to." "He did that to see your underwear." "Oh. Ok."
The next day you see her do the same thing. "Why are you doing the same thing?" "Well, I got him this time. I did not wear underwear."
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
I’m trying to find out what IDK means. Every time I ask someone, they say, "I don’t know."
Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. What the fuck? Saturday.
I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
