Time

Time jokes

School shooting

POV there’s a school shooting.

American: First time, European?

European: Yeah, you American?

American: No, not my first time.

Depression

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

Memes

Milk

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

Life

Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.

Summer

Mother Nature deserves a traffic ticket.

Summer is speeding by way too fast. 🤣🤣🤣

Guy

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

Child

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

Israel

Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.

It’s all about execution.

Girlfriend

My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.

Clock

When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!

Day

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

Goldfish

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.

Calendar

Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.

Lady: What did you do?

Man: I took a day off...

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