Time jokes
Parent: Have you seen your sister?
Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.
Teacher: Great! You’re studying in break time!
Student: Thank you. I heard that it is good to study before sleep.
What should we want?
Racecars.
When should we want them?
NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!
Why did the question come to life? Answer: The adding, subtracting, times, dividing by, and equals signs came to life and squished pages.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
Nothing lasts long these days!
As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"
Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
Dad: "I'll be back in a minute."
20 years later
Orphan: "Dad?"
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.