Time jokes
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
One time I killed Sam, Stan, and Gran on Roblox, and she was really mad.
Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!
"Shout out to entity...welcome to hell!"
"Every time I see your icon I vomit lol."
"Get a life... hey I'm violet olivegarden how can I help you if you need me to disc someone ill help..."
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"
I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.
Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."
Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."
"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."
Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."
Say "sukki" 10 times fast.
Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.
Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
One time you walked up to a mirror, but it’s shattered because of your reflection.
Why are orphans so sad?
Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."