Time jokes
Today is the day, time for more jokes!
You wanna hear a joke?
Two Emos hanging out under a tree.
How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Why do dads take time to get?
Milk?
I swear every time I walk past a guy, they stare at my ass. I always keep wondering why it hurts so much.
Why was 10 scared because it was in the middle of 9/11?
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.
Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"
"Yeah, I'm taking her home."
He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."
You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!
Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
One time I killed Sam, Stan, and Gran on Roblox, and she was really mad.
Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!
"Shout out to entity...welcome to hell!"
"Every time I see your icon I vomit lol."
"Get a life... hey I'm violet olivegarden how can I help you if you need me to disc someone ill help..."
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"
I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.