Time jokes

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?

My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.

Why do orphans commit crimes?

It’s the only time they’re ever wanted.

What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

I've been sad recently that the Twin Towers aren't around, so I made the conclusion to build a time machine to watch it again.

What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

What do you call two emos spending time together?

Hanging out.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

What month has 28 days?

Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.

Yo mama so old, she got nostalgia for the Big Bang!

Yo mama so old, she witnessed Noah building the ark.

By day I like girls, by night I like boys, but you, I wouldn’t like you at dusk or dawn.

Call this for a gay old time! 0275535101

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.