Time jokes
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
"That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Hi, here's a joke: You're wasting your time and space, you know it... :D
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Yo mama so old, she was there when Moses was born.
You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.
When do eggs hatch?
At the CRACK of dawn!
Will you remember me in 7 years?
(Yes)
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
There was a dino at the library today.
It was reading a thesaurus.
Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.
No, what did you get? Older.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?