Time jokes
I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
A happy little girl was running on the grass. She saw two gay guys kissing in a blank space, and she started crying. The two gay guys heard her crying, and then they asked her: "Why are you crying?" The little girl answered: "This is the first time I see an unnatural nature."
😂😂😂😂
The Past, Present & Future walked into a bar.
It was tense!
This will take a ton of time.
A skele-ton.
How many times does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Tentacles!
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
What do you get if you cross Damian Lillard and a watch?
I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).
If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
Once I was 7.
I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?
Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."