Time

Time jokes

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Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"

Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭

The clock struck one!

Then down did come!

Hickory dickory doc

What am I?

Random- a mouse?

Me- no dumb shit!

Random- what is it?

Me- the guillotine!

My sister got mad when I told her to say this word 10 times, and she got in trouble, and it was a funny word that she did not even know what she was saying, ahhahaha! 😆 lol

A man gets arrested after writing "MORBID JOKES COMING OUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!" and "I'm gay!"

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”

Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!

Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.

69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120

58008 (flip calculator)

Boobless.

  • 6

    • Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"

    Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"

    I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!

    Kid: Hey, Dad.

    Dad: You're an hour late.

    Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

    Dad: By yourself?

    Kid: No.

    Dad: A boy?

    Kid: I was with the teacher.