I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
Thought Jokes
I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
Why did the female orphan become a prostitute?
Because she wanted someone to call "daddy".
Why did Helen Keller sign the n-word?
She thought she was black.
This boy's eyebrow was so bushy, everyone thought that it was a squirrel tail! XD
Your mum's so dumb, she thought Pornhub was a corn hub!
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
When I saw your hairline, I thought I saw kid Jason Voorhees.
I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.
Dad: Are you gay?
Kid: Yes.
10 days later.
Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.
Dad: I thought you were gay?
Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.
Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.
When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
Yo momma so fat that people jumped on her cuz they thought she was a school bus.
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
Your forehead is so big that Mastermind thought you were his long lost brother!
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
Joe mama's so hairy when she went to the movie theater, the people thought she was Chewbacca!
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.
I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
