Thought Jokes

I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.

yor forehead is so big, mr clean thought he would hire you

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family

When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup is consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not."

My teacher:Oliver will be transitioning Me:tRaNsItIoNiNg!!!! My teacher:He will be transitioning from primary school to secondary school. Me:I thought you meant another transitioning...

When they where going around giving out brains and U thought they where saying train so u said no thanx I’ll take the next one 🤣🤣

If you thought other people’s puns are bad well you should sea mine. https://d2v9y0dukr6mq2.cloudfront.net/video/thumbnail/Vfv9BDZagiltwcyiq/underwater-sea-mine-danger-weapon-deadly-naval-ocean-sea_hvqhxuzi__F0000.png

I went to China and said I have a big cock so they thought I said they look like a cock then I realised I said it in English

my mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. i didnt know what she doing but she grab my cock and started sucking. then i found out on porn she was doing deep throat. a couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, i thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. i cried for 5 hours. luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.

I thought of telling my teachers that I am transgender so I get to wear my AirPods in class AIRPODSS!!!

I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!!

Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL! I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!

we saved a Swiss flag from a house fire i thought that`s a plus

one day little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad "were gonna go to my room and do some homework" and his dad said ok 5 minutes later little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room so he went to go see what it was and all he heard was "baby baby oh baby baby oh" little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said "little Johnny what are you doing in there" then little Johnny said "dad were just having sex" then little Johnny's dad said " oh i thought you were listing to some Justin bibber up in here

A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America, The Mexican man come up with some sob story and the police say all right all right ok says the police. ill let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it. The Mexicans thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says ok ok let's hear it after waiting impatiently, the Mexican said ok ok don't rush me I'm ready. The Mexican replied ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow !!!!

EYES ON THE ROAD LADY. STOP TRYING
TO GET LAID. SEE THESE ARE THE PEOPLE
THE DONT UNDERSTAND SPEED LIMITS
AND WHY CAR-JACKING IS ILLEGAL.
You know its not as
late as I thought
maybe you could
come up to my
place?

When I was younger,I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them,by the way,have you see my sister??

there was once a jenie with a 10 foot weenie and he showed it to the neighbores next door they thought it was a snake and hit it with a rake now its only 6.4ft