Thought jokes

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was Spanish for blowjob.

If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."

Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.

A morbid joke would be what's going on in my mind.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought "The Squid Game" was an all-you-can-eat buffet.

We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.

I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.

I told my friend an egg joke yesterday.

He thought it was eggcellent.

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

In the realm of the mind, Where thoughts wander undefined, This sentence emerges, unconfined, A whimsical phrase, quite inclined.

It dances freely, unrestrained, No structure, no rules, it's unchained, A playful verse, with words unfeigned, The first to surface, unrestrained.

It holds no grandeur, nor deep insight, Just a simple thought, taking flight, A fleeting notion, shining bright, In the realm of words, it feels right.

This sentence, unburdened and free, Plays with language, wild and carefree, A tiny poem, as small as can be, Yet it speaks volumes, silently.

So let it wander, let it roam, Across the page, it finds a home, Unfettered by rhythm, it freely roams, This sentence, the first, stands alone.

The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her!