This jokes

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

SCP-173 has breached containment. This is not a joke. Multiple Keter class SCPs have breached containment. This is an XK class event. Evacuate the Earth and solar system. The world is ending!

Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?

Wife: In a detective novel.

Wow, I can't believe you'd take the time to read this!

Not many people know this, but Soulja Boy was the lead role in a very successful children's movie a while ago. Released to theaters nationwide in 2006 was Honey, I Crunked the Kids.

Stormtrooper: What should I do with this guide for my test?

Palpatine: Review it.

Who are voting for this election? I'm voting for Tricity, so vote for Tricity. Electricity!

This is a joke in itself.

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”

The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”

I will never forget my grandpa's last words:

"What the fuck is in this drink?"

On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?

A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.

One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”

I yo yo-yo yo-yo yo-yo, yo-yo yo-yo you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you ha! Frick, fuck, gosh dang, you’re so big that you can’t ride. This is Builder.

I refuse to go bungee jumping. I was brought into this world from broken plastic, and I REFUSE to die the same way.

Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.

T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

I can't believe this!

Pizza is round and it comes in a square box, and you cut it into a triangle.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In this world of chaos, I find peace with you.