I cant stop thinking about those beans
Read this
Crack
What did you think of? A window crack or the drug?
Imperial Pilot: What do you think about the new Tie fighter? Palpatine: Flew it.
when people mean phat feast they don't mean fat. when yo mumma says phat she means FAT but thinks shes cool!
Gambler
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am." "Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet." The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man." "I am. But the steaks are too high."
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
911 I JUST CRASHED MY CAR I THINK ITS BURNING I CAN'T SEE IT HURTS TO BREATHE
Orphan joke protest! If you think orphan jokes are bad and wrong! Then comment good comments if not then just comment! Lets reach 67,000 comments good!
Gwen: Hi sir how are you? Tj: Good... you? Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date It seems like you need one π! Tj: π. Gwen: Here this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend! Tj: Thanks but um don't you think you should be um getting in side too? Gwen: π. No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! π. Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later. Gwen: π€π€π€π€π€π€π€°π€°π€°π©βπ§βπ¦
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The colour orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'seperate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, its a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
Q:How do you get a squirrle to like yopu A:Act like a nut π
Q:Why dont eggs tell jokes? A:Because they Μd crack each other up
Son:Dad can you put my shoes on?Dad:No son i dont think they would fit me Im on a sea food diet when i see food i eat it
I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me
i think your eggcellent
A person went to tell a joke: Knock knock! Whoβs there? I donβt remember! (I think we need to moove on to the next joke now) I just now made this one up! Then I realized it is in the cow category, so I added the moove on part! π
2 whales went to a bar. The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh. The second whale said, "Greg I think your drunk, let's go home."
The teacher asked a young boy in primary school "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
To which the boy replies "No"
The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.
At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
"Shut up" she replied
The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks "Can you teach me the alphabet?"
But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.
But his brother is singing "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.
But his sister is singing "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.
The boy replies "Shut up."
"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."
The boy replies "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
In the office, the principal says "who do you think you are?"
The boy replies "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The principal now says "how do you think you'll get away with this?"
The boy them replies "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, Put on your helmet cause you're about to miss the short bus.
personally i think putting beans on toast is better that bullets in children
I think our destination is under there.
Under where?
How does a disabled person play chasy I think you forgot they don't have legs
well a lock and a key where going on vacation but the key said help me im stuck and then the lock said i think i am in lock-shary
