Think jokes

I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

You know how 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9?

Well, how do you think 10 feels being in the middle of 9 11?

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.

That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:

I learned that a strangler was targeting me.

All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"

I think they are New York Jets fans and the Jets QB helped them... That's why one of them was off target.

You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.

And an exorcism.

I think DJT has FTD.

It's often said that people peaked in high school.

I think Trump peaked in kindergarten.

Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?

Like if you think Joel was a hero for saving Ellie instead of saving the world.

Yo momma so queer that she thinks Paige Stawicki will be the first female in the NHL.

Yo mama so stupid, your mama thinks that VR is real life.

Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

Daveon is so straight, he thinks a straight line is the shortest distance between two points and nothing else.

I just had sex...

I think I nailed it!

(Shit joke, I know.)

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.