Think jokes

I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

You know how 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9?

Well, how do you think 10 feels being in the middle of 9 11?

I learned that a strangler was targeting me.

All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"

Like if you think Joel was a hero for saving Ellie instead of saving the world.

Yo momma so queer that she thinks Paige Stawicki will be the first female in the NHL.

Yo mama so stupid, your mama thinks that VR is real life.

Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

Daveon is so straight, he thinks a straight line is the shortest distance between two points and nothing else.

I just had sex...

I think I nailed it!

(Shit joke, I know.)

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?

Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.

I think my dad loves jokes.

Because he laughs when he looks at me.

Yo forehead so big you think in HD.

Your hairline is so far back that if you wore yellow, people would think you were One Punch Man.

My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.

"I miss you.

Being happy was never that hard without you..."

Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...

Your hairline is so deep people can see what you're thinking.