An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
School Rizz:
You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.
What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?
God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
You might think these jokes are plane.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
What is the scariest thing you'll ever see in your life? James Charles thinking he has rights.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight?
Do you think he saw us?
I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
What did the terrorist think to himself seconds before hitting the tower?
"Did I leave the stove on?"
When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
