Think Jokes

Me: John what did he do earlier

John: hold on, I’m trying to think

Me: I thought I smelled poop

I remember my uncles last words: "I don't think were going shooting today."

Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning, he ate 12 year old nuts and a 13 year old wiener

When I was little I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people..until I turned 7 I realized that it was just people doing voices..sad isnt it

I think my dads gay bc he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns

What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight............do you think he saw us

Everyone always has a special person in there life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus

Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think hes alive.

He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis

True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe. (Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers each person spins it and try not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not you point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger)

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play monopoly?

How do you think Princess Diana died?

...Too soon?

A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says: If i can suprise you, i get a free drink. The bartender was unsure but agreed. The guy pulled up a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket and he starts to play The bartender was suprised and gave the guy a free drink The guy then sais: You see, i have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes, can i get another free drink if you get a free wish? The bartender agrees without hesitation The bartender wishes for a 1000 bucks, but he gets a 1000 ducks WTF! the man shouts. The guy answered: Did you think i wanted a 30cm long pianist

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids. I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

Toothbrush says I have the worst job ever. Toilet paper says you think your job shity.

A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He wen't to his brother, who was playing with a superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered 'SUPERMAN!!!'. Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said 'in the barbie dream house! Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said 'Olé Olé Olé!!!'. The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. 'WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!', the teacher boomed. 'Superman', the boy replied. 'WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!', the teacher continued. 'In the Barbie Dream House' 'GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!' 'OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!', the boy chanted on his was down the hall.

Recently I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker down town in Manhattan, New York thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested”. The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?”. The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish”.