Think jokes

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.

The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."

So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.

The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."

Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."

Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.

What song do you think was playing at the school?

"Pumped Up Kicks"

I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.

But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.

When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.

WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!

I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.

Who names their dog Donuts?

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.

You could think that some orphans are gay.

But think, would they be home-osexual? 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.

When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?

I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.

lmao why do people think they can fly?

What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?

God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

School Rizz:

You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.