Think jokes

What song do you think was playing at the school?

"Pumped Up Kicks"

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.

Who names their dog Donuts?

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

School Rizz:

You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.

What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?

God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.

Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.

You could think that some orphans are gay.

But think, would they be home-osexual? 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

A little riddle...

Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?

...

Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?

Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.

When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?

When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."

A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."

You might think these jokes are plane.

A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"

The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."

The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."

The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."

"I am. But the steaks are too high."

This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.

The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.

The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”

The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”

What is the scariest thing you'll ever see in your life? James Charles thinking he has rights.

According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.

Me: John, what did he do earlier?

John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.

Me: I thought I smelled poop.