Think jokes

Most annoying thing...

When we send something in WhatsApp thinking our friend is online but can only see two grey ticks...

Do you think I can shoot a basketball?

I make it dip like water.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

I think I need to kiss your butt.

One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"

Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."

"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"

"Maybe it was a tricycle."

"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"

The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"

Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."

That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"

Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"

Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."

Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.

If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.

Like this post if you think pineapple belongs on pizza.

Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?

I think it got lockjaw after that.

I woke up on the floor this morning. I think I woke up on the wrong side though.

I think I gave you the coronavirus because I can't stop staring, a-choo!

My wife thinks I'm immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.

What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."

Think about you are so fucking high that you are walking to a lift and inside the lift are stairs. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.

Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"

Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"