Think

Think jokes

Pee

    • When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.

    I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.

  • 1

    • Toaster

    • A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.

    After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"

    The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."

  • 0

    • Rain

    • Chocolate rain. Some stay dry and others feel the pain. Chocolate rain. A baby born will die before the sin. Chocolate rain. The school books say it can't be here again. Chocolate rain. The prisons make you wonder where it went. Chocolate rain. Build a tent and say the world is dry. Chocolate rain. Zoom the camera out and see the lie. Chocolate rain. Forecast to be falling yesterday. Chocolate rain. Only in the past is what they say. Chocolate rain. Raised your neighborhood insurance rates. Chocolate rain. Makes us happy 'livin in a gate. Chocolate rain. Made me cross the street the other day. Chocolate rain. Made you turn your head the other way. Chocolate rain. History quickly crashing through your veins. Chocolate rain. Using you to fall back down again. Chocolate rain. History quickly crashing through your veins. Chocolate rain. Using you to fall back down again. Chocolate rain. Seldom mentioned on the radio. Chocolate rain. It's the fear your leaders call control. Chocolate rain. Worse than swearing worse than calling names. Chocolate rain. Say it publicly and you're insane. Chocolate rain. No one wants to hear about it now. Chocolate rain. Wish real hard it goes away somehow. Chocolate rain. Makes the best of friends begin to fight. Chocolate rain. But did they know each other in the light? Chocolate rain. Every February washed away. Chocolate rain. Stays behind as colors celebrate. Chocolate rain. The same crime has a higher price to pay. Chocolate rain. The judge and jury swear it's not the face. Chocolate rain. History quickly crashing through your veins. Chocolate rain. Using you to fall back down again. Chocolate rain. History quickly crashing through your veins. Chocolate rain. Using you to fall back down again. Chocolate rain. Dirty secrets of economy. Chocolate rain. Turns that body into GDP. Chocolate rain. The bell curve blames the baby's DNA. Chocolate rain. But test scores are how much the parents make. Chocolate rain. Flippin' cars in France the other night. Chocolate rain. Cleans the sewers out beneath Mumbai. Chocolate rain. 'Cross the world and back it's all the same. Chocolate rain. Angels cry and shake their heads in shame. Chocolate rain. Lifts the ark of paradise in sin. Chocolate rain. Which part do you think you're livin' in? Chocolate rain. More than marchin', more than passing law. Chocolate rain. Remake how we got to where we are. Chocolate rain. History quickly crashing through your veins. Chocolate rain. Using you to fall back down again. Chocolate rain. History quickly crashing through your veins. Chocolate rain. Using you to fall back down again.

    Think memes

    Donut

    • I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.

    Who names their dog Donuts?

  • 8

    • Mexican

    • Not a joke but I hope the ones who are making jokes about Mexicans are Mexican themselves, lmao, cuz if you're not, uh... I think we both know what you are. 😟

  • 3

    • Men

    • What is the difference between men and women?

    Men have 2 heads, women have 4 lips because men do all the thinking, and women do all the talking.

  • 1

    • Invasion

    • Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.

    We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?

    Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.

    Candy

    • One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."

  • 5

    • Alphabet

    • The teacher asked a young boy in primary school, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

    To which the boy replies, "No."

    The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.

    At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

    "Shut up," she replied.

    The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks, "Can you teach me the alphabet?"

    But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

    The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.

    But his brother is singing, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

    The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.

    But his sister is singing, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

    The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.

    The boy replies, "Shut up."

    "Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."

    The boy replies, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

    In the office, the principal says, "Who do you think you are?"

    The boy replies, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

    The principal now says, "How do you think you'll get away with this?"

    The boy then replies, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

  • 6

    • Kid

    • All of you idiots who think that it is ok to laugh about us foster kids need to be shot.

  • 2

    • Song

    • This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ

    "He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."

    Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(