Things jokes

What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?

No funeral costs.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"

There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.

What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?

That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr

What’s one good thing about pedophiles?

They drive slow in school zones.

What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...

There is always a kitchen in the back.

Black holes and horny black women have 1 thing in common, they suck everything in sight.

Why do orphans work boomerangs?

Because it's the only thing that comes back.

There are only 2 things I hate in this world:

1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.

Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?

Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"

Friend #2: "Apples"

Me: "I can hang myself in them."

What's the fastest thing on earth?

An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.

A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.

Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.