Things jokes
What is the best thing about being back?
Free bullets.
People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.
The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."
What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?
Why do orphans like stealing things?
They wanted to have company.
How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"
Memes
wear sweatpants.
What was the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.
*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
I was the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3
People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.
What is the thing that orphans miss the most?
Their parents.