They're jokes
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
I complained to my landlord that carpenter ants were getting into the timbers. He was dismissive.
"They're Karen Carpenter ants, they don't eat much of anything."
How can you never find a hippo hiding behind a weed?
Because they're so good at it.
When it comes to mosquitoes in Africa, should you feel bad that they're getting AIDS from their victims?
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.
What's the difference between all the jokes on this page? Nothing, they're all knockoffs of old jokes you've already heard that aren't funny. Penis!
What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
Why couldn't the dinosaur clap? They're dead!
How did two retarded people get ran over in one second?
They're my friends.
Why can't America play chess?
They're already missing 2 towers.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.
What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?
Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.
Why don't orphans play GTA?
Because they're sad they don't get wanted!
What makes Asians look like they're laughing at everyone? They're squinting before they hear the joke.
I like whiteboards.
They're quite re-markable.
Q. What do Kenny's dick and this joke have in common?
A. They're both really short.