They're jokes
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
I love orphans. They're precious.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
Stop with the 9/11 jokes.
They're not gonna fly.
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they're all shellfish.
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
Depression jokes are wrong, stop making them; they're cruel and nasty. So stop; people are feeling like they're hated when they read your orphan jokes or depression jokes, so PLEASE stop.
Akeld: Do you think I should get an edges or a tapeline?
Me: Why not make both of them there? They're both messed up anyway.
I like whiteboards.
They're quite re-markable.
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
Why are gay dudes so rude?
Because they're fucking assholes.
Why do Mexicans only drink hot drinks?
Because they're afraid of ice!
I have some jokes about popcorn.
Nah, they're too corny.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
When an orphan finds out who their parents are, and then finds out they're dead.