They jokes
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"
Person 2: "In Japan."
Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
China is as fake as bitches with plastic surgery, and they talk about body positivity.
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, because they all cry in the dark.
Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.
Don't be scared of skeletons.
They don't have the guts for murder.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
Why did they invent white chocolate?
So Black people can be messy too.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Communists don't play Minecraft.
They play Ourcraft.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.