People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
They Jokes
What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
Why does an orphan wanna be a criminal?
Because they wanna be wanted.
Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.
You know why emos get excited playing Minecraft? They see a creeper.
Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?
Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
What do lesbians do while having their period?
They finger paint.
Why can’t orphans go on school trips?
They need a parent signature.
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
