Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.
They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
Why do you have to watch your back at NASA? They want to probe Uranus.
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
Why do Americans suck at chess? Because they lost two towers.
What's an African's favorite sport to play, but they can't? Water polo.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.
"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."
The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why are the Chinese bad at baseball? Because they already ate the bat!
Why are Americans so bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What’s the difference between Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker?
They both died at 95.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
