They jokes
If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
Yo mama so fat, when they buried her, they named her Everest. Mount Everest.
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
Your forehead and your hairline must be friends, because they go way back!
What is the difference between the National Organization For Carpet Munchers and the National Organization For Women?
The National Organization For Women has more experience in being a carpet muncher because they eat more pussy.
Why do they call them a nonce?
Because they go for people who don't have any sense.
What do lesbians and mechanics have in common?
They both use strap on tools.
What happened to people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki? They swapped races.
What is the difference between genders and the Twin Towers?
They used to be two, now it's a touchy subject.
Yo mama is so ugly, they tried to get her to act the part for Godzilla!
Yo mama so fat that when she went to the fatty competition, they said no because they didn't want professionals.
(Just a joke, she's probably kind.)
When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.
My sister.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to go to.