They jokes
Why don't churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
When it comes to bears, of course they always give bear hugs, well what do you call them when they aren't hugging right?
Just barely hugging you! Lol.
Why do they call it Ovaltine?
The jar is round, the mug is round, they should call it Roundtine.
I got a call from McDonald's; they want their sign back.
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?
They both hang from trees.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home. 😀😀
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they are all crying in a dark corner.
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.
Dark humor jokes are like kids with cancer.
They never get old.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"
Women are like marshmallows because they are white, squashy, and we put our sticks inside you.
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.
There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.
The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.