They jokes
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?
Because they don't have father's and mother's days.
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
Why don’t Indians play soccer?
Because every time they’re at the corner, they build a store.
Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
The Towers wanted pepperoni pizza, but they got planned.
Why are Indian people bad at Monopoly?
Because whenever they hit the corner, they build a shop.
Why do emos suck at playing tic-tac-toe on their wrists?
Because when they win, they lose.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
Why do trannies suck at being soldiers? Because they have a 41% casualty rate.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.