They jokes
Why can't Americans play chess? They have no towers.
Why can’t English people play chess? They ain't got no queen.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They ain't got no home to run to.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
Why did the rapper go to the seafood restaurant?
Because he heard they had PHAT BASS.
How do rappers stay cool in the studio?
They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!
Why can't England play chess?
Because they have no queen, and they will soon lose their king.
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"