They jokes
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.
Why don’t Indians play soccer?
Because every time they’re at the corner, they build a store.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
Why do orphans do so well in life?
When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
Your hair and your hairline must be best friends, 'cause they go waaaaay back!
Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.
Q: Why don't Indians play soccer?
A: Because every time they're in the corner, they open a store.
If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)
When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.
My sister.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find their home.
What is the difference between the National Organization For Carpet Munchers and the National Organization For Women?
The National Organization For Women has more experience in being a carpet muncher because they eat more pussy.
Tork Poettschke says to Charles Bukowski: "You have beautiful teeth! Are they also available in white?"
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw a wok down the stairs.