A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
In Antarctica, there are ice dicks for ladies to hop onto.
Little do they know I've been waiting for this moment.
I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.
We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.
My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.
Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerber almost fell out of my pocket.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
You want to hear a 9/11 joke?
I bet they did to!
why cant orphans play baseball?
cause they don't know where home is
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3
Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.
If your ever bord kick in orphan.What are they going to do,tell there parents.
