They jokes
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims, they went through 700 stories in 10 seconds.
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims, they went through 72 stories in less than 10 seconds.
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove box.
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
Why are mountains very cold?
Because they are very cold.
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims of course, they went through 89 stories in only 5 minutes!