My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything!
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
A black man walked into a bar. Another guy invited him over for a drink. They spent the rest of the night drinking and having a good time.
I like my women thick, so if they aren't over 375 pounds, they're not stepping into my room.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
So three retards walk into a classroom...
Sike, it was the garbage. They mistook it for their classroom.
How are urinals made?
They get installed.
Knock, knock. Who's there? An armless person. Why? They got stumped on why they contacted you.
