Why don't bulls play archery? They might hit a bulls-eye.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?
They never get old
why were the people in the twin towers upset? they ordered pepperoni pizza but instead they got plane
Why did two red heads fall off the plane? Because they were so damn blind.
Why are americans so bad at chess? Because they already lost two towers.
During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.
Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.
There are three men walking down the road, and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm, there is a cow, a monkey, and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money, and the farm is going out of business.
One of the men sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest, but the cow is so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle, it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them suggested that they put a cork up the cow's behind. The first guy says, "Okay, then go put a cork there."
"I don't want to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it." And the monkey puts the cork in the cow's behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm.
The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of the cow. "Guys, we need to take the cork out of the cow," he says.
"Well, I'm not going to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it again." So the monkey uncorks the cow, and there was a huge explosion. A few days later, the three men wake up in the hospital.
The doctor walks up to the first man and asks, "What happened?"
The first man replies, "All I remember is that horrible sound."
The doctor walks up to the second man and asks, "What happened?"
"All I remember is that horrible smell..."
The doctor walks up to the third man and again asks the same question. The third man looks at him and says, "All I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in."
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’ meet all the koalifications!
Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.
You know how many people said, "This ship will never sink?"
They jinxed it by saying "never sink."
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.
What happens when two walls meet?
They are cornered.
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
Did you know why they added Alexa for Steven hawkins
Three gay guys walk into a bar.
There is only one stool left, what do they do?
They flip the stool over.
