Thereness jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? Beep boop S.t.e.p.h.e.n beep boop H.a.w.k.i.n.g.
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.
It's a canariel disease, untweetable.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
"Prince? Are you still there?"
"NORTH KOREA HAS ITS OWN NORTH KORONAVIRUS. IT STARTED THERE."
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The FBI."
"The FBI who?"
"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce in.
Lettuce in who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here!
Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for, just let me in!
My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"
Why couldn’t the orphan play Xbox? Because there was no home button.
Why does Trump build a wall?
There’s such a thing as a ladder.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not."
"Not who?"
"Not your dad."
I'm pretty socially awkward when talking to girls, so I watched a video on how to keep conversations going.
The guy said to try and find things that remind you of something else and talk about that. For example, "that oak tree over there reminds me of the one we used to climb in my backyard as a kid. It used to be so much fun... and so on."
So next time I was having a conversation with a girl, I saw a red truck. So I said, "that red truck reminds me of the time my house burned down when I was 6." She said, "oh, and the fire trucks came to your house?" And I said, "no, I was getting molested in a red truck when my house burned down."
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?
What's the difference between a baseball game and an orphan?
There's a home to go back to.
One hot day a cow wanted some shade.
He found a tree and started resting under it, but there was a chicken bothering him. The cow exclaimed, "Moooove!" The chicken didn't move. Again, "Moooove!" and still the chicken wouldn't move. The cow yelled, "MOOOOOVE!" The chicken turned around and said, "FUCKOFF."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not the two Twin Towers.