Thereness jokes
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
'Cause they're dead.
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."
No thank you!
Yo mama so fat that when Thanos snapped his fingers, she was still there.
Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?
There, there, over there, and over here too.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ruff ruff.
Ruff ruff who?
Let the dogs out.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
I need to Goliath down and sleep!
Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.
Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."
A: What do you call a sophisticated American? B: Canadian.
A: Why aren't there any Mexicans in Canada? B: They can't run that far.
«A: Что вы называете искушенным американцем? Б: Канадец.
A: Почему в Канаде нет ни одного мексиканца? Б: Они не могут убежать так далеко».
Why does Mao Zedong like the east coast?
Because there is a red Sun in the sky.
I had to take the underground just to get from your forehead to your hairline, they're so far apart!!!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Broccoli.
Broccoli who?
Broccoli hasn’t got a surname!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Utah.
Utah who?
You're talking to me.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
Why can't orphanages play baseball?
Because there's no home to go to.
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that Keagan's FIFA team should be this terrible, also the problem is that Keagan is a Real Madrid fan.
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted.