Thereness jokes
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because their parents aren't there to watch them!
Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!
Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?
Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!
Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!
Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???
Me: Yea
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
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Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.
Reminder: Check the fridge, but remember nothing's in there.
Okay, long story fast, I walked to GameStop in my house, in the kitchen, by Walmart, to a BTS Squid Game concert, and Drake and Pablo were there for her labor in the Cowboys stadium by Nike, so I bought a pencil from a dead alive man. He said "ZOO WEE MAMA." So yeah.
Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?
Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
Knock, knock? Who's there? A mirror, I'm lonely.
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
What's the difference between a human and a potato? There is none, you can eat both.
There’s only one answer to who would win, 1996 Bulls or 2017 Warriors...
...Steve Kerr’s team.
Today there was a line to punch me.
Yeah, that was the punch line.
Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.
First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”
Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”