Them jokes
Why should you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?
So they don't explode when you f*** them.
Did you hear the rumors about butter?
Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.
Lady: Will you fuck me?
Man: No, I don’t have a penis.
Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.
Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.
My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
One time in camp, I kissed my bunkmate Bret in the shower. He cupped my breasts and lathered them in Prell, but I'm totally not gay... :)
Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them, haha!
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Yo mama so disgusting, she hangs toilet paper to dry after she wiped with them.
What's the difference between yo mama and German men?
The balls... German men don't have them.
Which of these is the smartest; also, list them too: Is it autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.