Them jokes

You know what? I know five fat people, and you're four of them!

Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.

Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.

Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.

So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

Yo mama so disgusting, she hangs toilet paper to dry after she wiped with them.

What does a stray cat/dog have in common?

Both of them don't have a home!

A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.

The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."

Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."

Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.

Why is a priest called "father?" It's too weird to call them "daddy."

What's the difference between apples and dead babies?

I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.

Why can't orphans go outside?

Because they have no parents to watch them!

An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.

“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.

“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

"What do we want?" "HEARING AIDS!" "When do we want them?" "HEARING AIDS!"

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”

Why are orphans good at dodge ball?

No one misses them.

Rape is so outdated, but when you pay them money, it is a popular date!

Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.

Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer do when done with his black dates?

He dumped them.