Them jokes
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
That's all is needed to complete my day
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends how hard you throw them.
If a sped is late for class, is it wrong to call them tardy?
Why do we name hurricanes?
To keep an eye on them.
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.
Why are your eyes blue? Cuz they have food coloring in them.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
A: You give them a Sandy Hook.
You text someone to ask them why they snobbed you. Then they snob you again.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Why don't orphans go to the park?
Because their parents can't push them on the swing!
How to Make an Orphan cry
Step 1: Talk about Home.
Step 2: Ask them where their parents are.
Step 3: Say, "Bye Bye," and push them in the Batmobile!