Them jokes

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

One time in camp, I kissed my bunkmate Bret in the shower. He cupped my breasts and lathered them in Prell, but I'm totally not gay... :)

Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.

Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)

Why do women have periods?

Because they deserve them, haha!

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Yo mama so disgusting, she hangs toilet paper to dry after she wiped with them.

You text someone to ask them why they snobbed you. Then they snob you again.

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

"Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got them all cut!"

What do you do when you are angry with an orphan? Hit them.

It's not like they can tell their parents.

"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."

I was the person that flew into the Twin Towers. I have two friends that are both twins, and whenever they speak, I tell them to shut up because if they don't, I'll make myself explode in them.

Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.

Hey! My balls are on your thing!

There are two types of people, avoid them both.

Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.

What do parents and dark humor have in common? Not everyone gets them.