Them jokes
Father heard his children scream,
so he threw them in the stream.
Saying, as he drowned the third,
"Children should be seen, not heard!"
If a skinny person wants to gain weight, does that make them a trans fat?
How do you stop a gang of black men from raping a white girl?
Throw them a basketball.
Michael J. Fox isn't allowed around small children. When he touches them, he is immediately accused of shaken baby syndrome.
Q: How many aborted babies does it take to paint a house?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them.
If an orphan gets a girlfriend, they finally have someone to love them.
How do you keep a blind person entertained? Give them a piece of sandpaper and tell them it’s a word.
Ok, so let me tell y'all the lore. Basically, what happened was there's these mfs called Rhys and a guy named Mobrur. Mobrur is a fish basically from Bangladesh and Israel, so he's just a fish because he's Netanyahu's cousin, and Liam is from Australia; he's just a white piece of crap.
Basically, what happened was they knocked up each other because they were drunk and jumping on Netanyahu's beer belly, and it was all just a mess. Rhys is trying to get child support and half property from Fish, but he won't give it because he is nasty and claiming what isn't his, and he said, "No one likes you." So to summarize it, he killed him and is in jail now.
And there he met Mooha and he turned straight, Alhamdulillah! EVERYONE SAY ALHAMDULILLAH! He became straight, then Mooha got knocked up in prison and the guards beat them and they died.
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
Q. What do iPads and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
A. Kids turn them on.
Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?
Because nobody is looking for them.
You want to know how to spot a foster kid?
Them carrying their whole life in a Hefty trash bag.
I make many jokes about jobless people, but none of them are working.
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
Why do transgender people have high rates of suicide?
Because they can't accept themselves for who they are, but they want everyone else to accept them.
My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.
But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.
Why do orphans hate the letter F?
Because the F stands for the family that didn't want them.
What's the difference between ICE and ISIS?
One of them says their prayers five times a day.
What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?
"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."
So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."