New Them Jokes

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?

We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.

How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?

Tell them a joke to make them smile.

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!

Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.

Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

Women have eggs and milk in them...

And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.

A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.

The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.

The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.

I was wrong about AISH workers having no value.

If you get to them soon enough after the murder, you can harvest a few organs.

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?

They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.

Your teeth are so out of line, even James Charles is straighter than them.

Like if you like porn.

Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?

Because no one’s looking for them.

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.