Them jokes

How are boobs and toys similar?

Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.

How do you piss off a midget?

Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

What do black parents and elevators have in common?

Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Little boys turn them on.

Q. What do Danielle Smith and a baby with anencephaly have in common?

A. Neither of them have a brain.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?

We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.

How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?

Tell them a joke to make them smile.

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!

Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.

Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

Women have eggs and milk in them...

And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.

A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.

The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.

The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.

I was wrong about AISH workers having no value.

If you get to them soon enough after the murder, you can harvest a few organs.

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"