Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
Theft Jokes
Jack and Jill went up the hill, both had Bacardi rum. When Jill's was gone, she wanted Jack's, that's why she took it from him.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
