Theft jokes

I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.

That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!

Why was the emo person dead inside?

Because I stole their insides.

You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.

My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I stole one's balls.

Someone stole my balls :(

If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?

The dark.

I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!

Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

- He robbed children of their innocence.

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

Why did the orphan rob a bank?

To be wanted.

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

Because he/she wanted to be wanted!

I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.

"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"

"Wait! I can explain everything!"

To the guy who stole my depression medication,

I hope you're happy.

I know a Chinese joy rider, Tommy Tookamotor.

Sike, I lied, your Minecraft account is mine!