I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
Why do emo kids drink only herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.
Have a guess who came crawling back?
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?
When he is wanted!
Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).
I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
