Theft jokes
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!
An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.
"Hi, this is Dave's orphanage—you make it, we take it."
Why do orphans like stealing things?
They wanted to have company.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
Why can't orphans be robbers?
Because they're not wanted.
I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
Why do emo kids drink only herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.
Have a guess who came crawling back?
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
Me and my girlfriend broke up, and I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"