Theft jokes

These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.

I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.

Guess who likes vegetables now?

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

Yo mama so old, when she left the antique shop, the alarm went off.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!

An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.

"Hi, this is Dave's orphanage—you make it, we take it."

Why do orphans like stealing things?

They wanted to have company.

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."

Why can't orphans be robbers?

Because they're not wanted.

I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.

I always use chloroform when stealing a child.

Why do emo kids drink only herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.

When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”

My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.

Have a guess who came crawling back?

Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."